Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
