Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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