hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
