This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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