I love black thongs
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
