That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
