Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
