it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fuck appropriateness.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
