I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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