Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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