he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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