This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
