She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
