then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
