dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
