So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will