just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.