I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"