Me. At least after what I've been through.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
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I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"