Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
