i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize