I heard we made out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
as a side note pls kill me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
