Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
