I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
third nipple confirmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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