u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
