i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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