Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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