ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
