I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
