i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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