We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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