Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
