An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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