do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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