She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
