none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
