All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't turn off my feet"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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