Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
