My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
