True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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