you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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