your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize