Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
