At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
