Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
