fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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