so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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