I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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