3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
