Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and she was petting her beer can
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
