i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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