terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
