literally had 100 drinks last night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
