listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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