Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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