My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I believe in your delicious
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
