yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
