im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
