bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
