We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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