I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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