Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
