i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
